Unspoken Actions
by Burning Rubber
Summary: Yoruichi can easily get Soi Fon in her bed, but what will happen when all there is left to do but talk? Written in Yoruichi's pov. A bit of drama, (lack of) romance, and angst. Yorusoi.


AN: 'Ello, I wrote a while ago, but I changed a lot of it. Sorry if this seemed very OFC or the tone seemed funky. I also apologize ahead of time for any typos or flaws in grammar. I'm like the worst when it comes to editing my own works. . Anywho, this is a AU (Alternate Universe) fic.

Also, obviously I don't any of these characters, Mr. Kubo does.

"Do you love me?" It's really a _simple_ question, but the only answer I can give is complicated.

Her voice is raw, eyes searching desperately, and body ensconced in the blankets. She looks utterly defeated and beyond tired. She already knows the answer, but she keeps hoping that it will change. She grabs my hand. She's looking for anything that's palpable at this point- if almost to ground herself. She's preparing for impact.

I lick my lips if to buy one more second of sweet time. I can't help but notice her beauty even if she looks so broken at the moment. Her hair is dark as night, piercing, melancholic, grey eyes and, smooth, pale skin which never ceases to amaze me.

"Yes… in a way." She breaks eye contact with me, instantly.

Her whole body is facing towards the door now. She's going to leave like all the other nights before. I look towards the cream colored door she's facing. The old wooden floor boards creaks under her weight as if to taunt me. Like its sole purpose is to remind me that I can't keep anyone in here for more than a couple of hours… No one stays once we start talking. It used to not bother me, but with age… it's starting to, especially when it's with _her_. I defiantly care for her, but love? As a friend and companion, yes. I can say that with no doubts in my heart, but as a lover? I just don't know… Should I just lie? It would be easy enough, but I can't do that to her. It's not fair to say I love her when I know I can't do certain things lover should.

I just can't say no to her on nights like this, and she just can't help herself from coming back. She picks up her clothes which are scattered throughout the room. I stare at her hoping to think of words to make her stay. I'm looking for the perfect sentence that doesn't involve any four lettered words.

"I'll be going now, Yo-" I grab her wrist and hold on tight. She stops and looks at me totally blank faced. There's so much on our minds that we can never really fully express with our words, so moments like these were no one speaks, everything is said with our bodies. I look once again at those enigmatic eyes. I know what she wants to hear, but not what she needs to hear. I try to bring her closer to me, but she wouldn't have any of it. If anything she's trying to backing father away, pulling slightly back on her captured hand.

"Don't leave…" I croak out. It's even not a request, it's a command. She looks at me scanning my face as if she's going to find all the answers of life in this moment. She breaks away, rubbing her wrist and stands near the bed. Her back facing towards me; body language speaks volumes. She doesn't want to hear e-x-c-u-s-e-s, yet here she is looking for a reason to stay.

"Did… did I hurt you? … I'm sorry, Soi." I step into her facing her back. I lean over and start to massage her frail wrist. "I didn't mean too." I nuzzle my head into her neck.

She sighs and stiffens up at my very touch. I step away from her getting the idea that she needs space. I look at the red silk blanket, that just an hour ago was wrapped around our bodies. I wish I could just go back to that moment. Things were so much simpler and more fun. Words complicate everything; I rather just let my actions speak for me.

Her voice breaks my train of thought. "Why do we do this to ourselves? And what does _in a way even_ mean?"

Soi Fon's voice cracks, and she hides her face in her hands. She starts to cry, no, weep is a more appropriate word.

"What are we?" She's starting to lose her cool. She's going to let it all out now, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it now. I'm in far too deep to lie or run away from her now.

"Soi Fon, I care for you very much… I just can't, do – er… be the certain things that you want me to be… But, you're the closest and dearest person to my heart." I clear my throat waiting for a response. It doesn't come at first. The air becomes thick and awkward.

She takes a great gasp of air, and her eyes become a waterfall. She looks so defenseless when she's all doe eyed, and body quivering. I just want to wrap her in my arms and tell everything she deserves to hear.

I feel this awful feeling come from the pit of the stomach. There's nothing worse than seeing someone so close to you in pain, especially when you know that you caused it. I put my arms around her and start to rub her back, trying to soothe the emotional whirlwind that is so alive in her. "Soi Fon, I-"

Face fully flushed, eyes redden, and lips quivering. She roars "Why do you sleep with me? You can't even say that you love me, and whenever I leave you it's only then act like you care. Why do you continue to use me?" She jerks herself out of my arms breaking my embrace, and slaps me. I'm taken aback, I mean- what can you say to that?

She shakes her head at me. "Yoru- Yoruichi-Sama, you're terrible! I can't believe I ever wasted my love on you." Her voice is filled with venom and I feel it coursing through my veins.

I'll admit that hurt, it cut deep into my heart because there was a ring of truth to it. What I am doing? What was I thinking? I know of all people you can't have your cake and eat it too.

I don't know what to say to make it better. My "silver" tongue fails me. I don't know what to think much less say, all I have are these erratic thoughts.

She looks me square in the face and purses her lips. She's waiting for me tell that's not true or something, anything at this point would be better than silence. I part my mouth slightly waiting for the words to come out, but they never do. She wipes away a tear or two on her sleeve and practically runs out of the room. She shouts "Good-bye, Yoruichi-Sama." The emphasis was on the _good-bye_.

I let a breath of air I didn't know that I was holding. I was expecting trouble, but not anything so… so, serious. I think she's really done with me.

I lay on my soft bed, indulging in the warmth and false comfort it provides. I mull over what she said, I am I really using her? She was the one who came here. She was the one that confessed to me. She was the one that kissed me. She started it, who am I not to end it properly?

… I sigh.

I'm making excuses like I always do. Commitments have never really been my thing, so I'll be the first to admit it. I just feel like a committed a lurid crime. She has always been there for me, unconditionally. She has forgiven my mistakes, and accepted me as a whole (up until now). I think broke her… she can't handle being my second choice any longer.

She loves me more than I could her, but I do cherish her… Maybe things are better this way, she'll be better off without me.

I try to find comfort on my bed, but it's just so cold and lifeless here. The voice of my Soi Fon echoes in the room. It seems impossible to get her out of my head. Maybe it's the room, the smell of her on my sheets or possibly because she's that special to me, but I can't stay here much longer.

A few hours pass by, it's then that I decide it would be okay to say goodbye. Soi Fon must surely be asleep by now.

I arrive at her small cottage in mere seconds. Surely enough there she is my, Soi Fon is sleeping on her small cot. I just stand there for a moment, soaking in what will be my last moments with her. She's curled up in ball and her blankets are protecting her like a cocoon. The moonlight is highlighting her face as if the world is telling me to join her, and I know honestly if I just laid next to her right now all my sins would be forgiven. All the issues between us suddenly wouldn't matter. All she would need is my empty arms, and that's it. It's a tempting idea, but I can't stay. I have other obligations.

I wish she could understand why things have to be the way they are. I really do love her, but I can't commit right now. I can't be her lover now or even her friend. So maybe it's best if she hates me, it'll make it easier for her to forget me. To me she'll always be the one even when she hates me.

I plant a kiss on her forehead and quickly step away.

"Soi Fon, I know you know how I felt… I just could never understand why you needed the words to make it true to you. So here you go…" I pause to steady my breath then I close my eyes. Suddenly, I feel my eyes start to sting. "I love you, Soi Fon, with all my heart... I never wanted this to be the way it ended, I'm sorry. If I could I would take you with me."

She starts to move, so I leave immediately and soundlessly. I go to my house where Kisuke is waiting for me. I tell him to give me a minute to grab my packed bag.

"Are you ready?" This is the most serious I've ever seen him look.

"Of course, tonight is the night." I fake a smile, and grip onto my bag.

"Alright…" He gives a short snicker. "You're not bringing a whole lot are you? Eh, makes sense you seem like a light packer though." He strokes his beard. "I guess you've never had a whole lot here anyways."

"Actually, there was more here than you would think."

"Oh, is that so?"

I look around at my familiar street reminiscently. So many memories here, granted most of them with Kisuke but all the same, I'll miss this place. It seems surreal to actually leave now. We've may planned for months, but nothing could have ever prepared me for this moment. This isn't how I wanted to leave, I have unfinished business here.

I give him a sideways glance, and he knows that it's time to stop. He puts his hands in the air as to surrender. We finally leave, and my thoughts go back to Soi Fon. I wonder will she ever forgive me? I know my arms will be open for her, but will her arms be open for me? Either way, I know one thing. Soi Fon will be okay. She's strong, driven, and talented. In the time I'm gone she'll move on and make a real career for herself.

We reach the outskirts of the Soul Society, and can't help but notice this buzzing noise. There's this silly, little bee that seems to wondering aimlessly around. I think it's lost its way from the hive or something—it just can't seem to find its way home. I imagine it misses it's queen dearly. It lands on me, I give it a sympathetic look and before it knows it- I'm gone.

I can't help but wonder if the bee ever found it's home.


End file.
